How are you doing? Tough year isn’t it. I really hope my blog is a welcome diversion and distraction from any bad stuff going on in your world. We’re now at K in my Z to A of sensual massage so K will be for Kinky. Come on, let’s absent ourselves from all the weird goings on for a short time and slip away for a delve into the realms of kinky activities in massage.
A few weeks ago I was queueing (in line) along the street waiting to enter a building, which seems to happen frequently these days. Many of life’s routines that used to be normal everyday things are now special privileges that we appreciate more having lost them. Whilst in the queue I wore my mask covering my mouth and nose which, on this occasion I was quite glad to do because it provided some degree of anonymity because I was queueing to go into the sexual health clinic for a routine check up.
In normal times you can just go in and wait for your appointment inside but these days they want as few people hanging around inside as possible….so now you hang around outside. One of the benefits of being classified as a sex worker by the clinic is that they issue you with a special VIP card. The card allows me (pre Covid) to avoid having to book, along with other VIP benefits such as things like use of the executive toilets, a glass of champagne on arrival, and a conspicuous absence of disapproval from the nurse when I tell them how many different sexual partners I’ve had in the past month. It’s quite a good perk.
I’ve plenty of membership and loyalty cards in my wallet but the Clinic card is, I must admit, one of the more unusual ones. I’ve about a dozen different coffee shop loyalty cards which means that every 23rd coffee I have is free. Perhaps I should do a loyalty scheme for my massages; book 4 massages and get your 5th massage free? Hmmm, keep your eyes on my website for the Sensualtouchco loyalty scheme launch. You won’t get a card, I’ll just stamp your bum with my logo.
To be fair, I’m not entirely sure that being a VIP member of the clinic is something to be shouting about but there you go…I have no filter. Being a responsible boy I do get tested very regularly so that’s a good thing isn’t it? If I’m a regular there I might aswell get the VIP membership and make the most of the benefits it brings. There is however one aspect of the testing process that I always struggle with, and no VIP membership can make it any easier.
The bit that’s a struggle is doing a piss on demand. When you go for a test they give you the swabs for throat and bum, and a little plastic bottle to fill up. Having checked in (and drunk your VIP Champagne…) you go to a little room to do the swabbing and pissing bit. Now, every time I attend I know I shall have to piss at the clinic and I know exactly what time I shall have to piss at the clinic. These are known facts, it’s all predictable and you would have thought it would therefore be easy. I sometimes go to the coffee shop before the clinic (to have my free 23rd coffee) and I’m of course desperate to piss there, which is good. However I hold off going because I know I’ll need to fill up that damn bottle later.
10 minutes later, at the clinic, I’m standing in the VIP Executive bathroom over the toilet, with the bottle in one hand and my cock in the other I try to piss, but nothing happens. Every time it’s the same…desperate to go when at the coffee shop; totally dry when faced with the bottle. Maybe a drip comes out, but the bottle remains desperately empty. I think watery thoughts, flush the toilet, turn on the tap at the sink, all in attempt to trigger a piss to fill the bottle… but nothing happens.
One time I stood there so long with the sink tap running I hadn’t realised the sink was blocked and overflowing. Only when I saw the water around my shoes did I notice it. Yet despite standing in a puddle of water I still couldn’t piss….It’s so annoying. Often I’ve had to do the swabs and then go and wait in the waiting area while drinking loads of water so that I could eventually go back to the toilet and piss in that damn bottle.
Anyway, what’s all this clinic stuff got to do with K for Kink? Allow me to explain….I guess I could write a more serious piece about how we develop our kinks or fetishes or I could write about my experience of massage kink. Given that someone else does the deep insight so much better than me I decided to recount my massage experiences.
If you want deeper insight (and an interesting listen) have a look at the talk by the sex and relationship engineer Colin Richards on intimacy matters.co.uk. Colin’s talk titled Psychology of Kink and Fetish is really informative about where our kinks come from and why. I highly recommend Colin, having frequently worked with him doing massage and at various workshops. Advert over….back to my kink massage…..
I get a call from a friend (let’s call him John). John is a fellow masseur who I occasionally do 4 hands with. We work well together.
John “Hi Jamie it’s John, how’s things? I have a client who wants a 4 hands from us.”
Me “Hi John, great, when is he looking for?”
John “well it’s a bit different…he wants a special massage..”
Me “sure, I do special!”
John “this one is different special…he wants a piss massage.”
John “are you there Jamie?, he wants us to piss on him throughout the massage.”
Me (quickly recovering my wits) “sure, it’ll be £XXX” (price redacted for commercial reasons).
And so this is how I ended up doing a kink piss massage. Me, the guy who can’t piss on demand has agreed to do a massage requiring regular and consistent pissing on the client over the period of a 90 minute massage. What could go wrong? I’d never done a piss massage before (in fact I didn’t know there was such a thing) but why not? I’ll try almost anything once. So we agreed the price, the date and time and I put it in my diary.
The day comes and I arrive early at John’s place so that we can plan our routine and set up the studio. John has prepared the room, the table is up and towels are on the floor to absorb any excess fluid so to speak. We’re not using oil because the client wants us to use piss as a lubricant (which actually isn’t as unsuitable as it sounds). We work out a routine and I drink a pint of water to be ready…then I drink another pint just to be sure.
The client arrives and he wants John to undress him outside the room and to blindfold him before he walks in naked and we begin. He won’t see me until after the massage. The instructions are clear; piss on him regularly through the massage, do a full massage with all the normal routines, he wants to drink some of the piss, and he wants to cum at the end. I find that with kink massages the client is often very specific and detailed about what they want, and it’s important to keep to that plan. It’s the details that matter.
With the client on the table, the music chosen (I had suggested Handel’s Water Music but the client preferred some bland pan pipe stuff….some people have no class), and our bladders full we began the massage. It was a standard beginning with some grounding moves and relaxing head massage. Then John indicated it was time to piss on the client and he lifted his cock and sprayed a long warm stream over the client’s back. I could see the guy relax as the warmth of the piss flowed down his sides and between his bum cheeks.
It’s my turn to piss now. But I can’t do it. I hold my cock (still soft fortunately, I definitely can’t piss when hard) and wave it about a bit in the hope that this will precipitate piss, but nothing happens. Glancing at John I pull a face that says ‘no can do’ and he grins and nods in the direction of the water bottle. Good idea, I just need a bit more water and then it will flow. John does another spurt to make up for my failure. The client is none the wiser that only one of his masseurs is ‘performing’.
The massage continues, and the client’s body is wet all over. Of course I’m giving a great massage but as yet only a small dribble has come out of my cock despite having drunk litres and litres of water. Where is it all going in my system? John is still pissing for both of us so we have plenty of lubrication (it dries quickly) but he can’t go on forever and the client is due to be turned over soon. He’ll want to drink it and I’m sure he’ll be able to tell if only John is able to perform. I indicate to John that I’m going to nip out next door to the toilet to start the piss there, which may help. Then I’ll rush back into the room holding the stream and release it when I’m back on the table. It’s a good plan.
Discreetly I exit the room and stand over the toilet in the bathroom next door. A minute goes by and no piss. I turn on the taps at the sink. I think watery thoughts. At last a stream comes out and hits the water. Squeezing my external urethral sphincter muscle to hold the piss mid stream I rush back into the room, stand next to the client and release the tension. The flow is so weak the piss barely reaches his side, it stops after a few seconds. Damn…try again. Back to the toilet, this time with more water to drink. Poor John has shouldered all the work so far.
This time I’m more successful and on returning to the table I’m able, with extreme concentration, to piss out a steady stream. I glance at John who is grinning back at me, probably as relieved as I am. The client turns over onto his back. We both give him a taste. I’m now at last managing to provide a reasonable flow having drunk what must be about 7 litres of water. The client seems to like the taste. My piss is so diluted it must be like drinking Evian, but he’s happy. We conclude the massage in the traditional way and the client leaves very satisfied.
Even disregarding the stress of wanting to piss and being unable to, I can’t say that I enjoyed doing the piss massage. It’s not my thing but I wouldn’t be critical of the client for his liking of it. He definitely found it fun and sexy and that’s what’s important. As long as your kink isn’t cruel or illegal then I think it’s important for your well-being to be able to express it and fulfil that desire.
The difficult days we are living through are a reminder that the routine everyday things that we take for granted may not always be there for us. When they are there for us we must make sure that we take every opportunity to appreciate them. Similarly it’s important to take the opportunity to explore and appreciate our kinks because we may not get the chance again. Just like I found with needing to piss; it’s one of those routine things that when you really need it, and it’s gone, you definitely miss it. Don’t miss your opportunity…..get exploring your kinks. Although if your kink is piss massage perhaps you’d better find someone more adept at it than me.