‘Never Mind the Bollocks Here’s the Sex Pistols’ song is now 44 years old (although I suggest that if it had a profile on Grindr it would only admit to 34). Despite being 44 the music still has the power to give pleasure. Just like your balls (whatever age they are). You may have guessed that B is for Balls, or Bollocks. I’ll use the different terms interchangeably in this instalment of the Z to A of Sensual Massage, depending on what mood I’m in.
But before we talk bollocks, I would ask you to imagine that I have just placed a 99 ice cream in your hand. You know the type of ice cream I mean? It’s one of those soft ice creams that squirts out of an ice cream making machine of the type usually found in an ice cream van.
Picture the scene in your mind please. I’ve given you the ice cream, it’s in your hand. Hold it up and observe it closely. Imagine the crispy cone filled with soft white vanilla ice cream swirling up to a tempting curly peak. A Cadbury’s Flake pokes out from the side, ready to be bitten. Imagine for me that you’re anticipating that first diffident lick of the soft cream with the tip of your tongue. Sense the faint aroma of vanilla in your nose as the ice cream touches your lips. Then taste the familiar flavour unfolding over your tongue as the cold dissipates in the warmth of your mouth. Feel the folds of the crumbly chocolate Flake against your lips. Hear the sound of the crunching cone as your teeth take an initial tentative bite of the brittle wafer.
Which of these sensations is most real for you now? Which part of the 99 experience is the bit you’re most enjoying? The ice cream?, the Flake? The cone? ….hmmm yes, maybe the wafer cone isn’t the thing that’s most enticing is it. My theory is that it’s the ice cream and the flake that are the main attractions; the cone is just something to hold the ice cream, it’s not really the star attraction. I’d say that you’d probably eat the chocolate on its own, you’d also eat the ice cream on its own, but would you eat the cone sans ice cream and Flake? No. I thought not. I wouldn’t eat it on its own either. Poor cone. How sad for it.
OK, now we have your imagination working, let’s imagine you have a naked guy laying down on your bed (or your massage table?)…he’s laying prone, legs slightly parted and his cock poking down between his legs. If you’re struggling to conjure up this image in your mind (really?), then have a look at my picture in this post. That’s what I mean.
What do you see in the image in your mind? (yes, back to your imagination – it’s good to exercise your mind, so stop looking at my pic!). Do you see an enticingly firm cock resting between his legs, maybe his peachy round bum and a nicely puckered hole? What about the balls though? Did you imagine those? I’m guessing that the balls aren’t the first thing you imagined, or looked at in my picture.
My argument is that the balls are the bridesmaid of this scenario, just like the cone is the bridesmaid of the ice cream scenario. They are of course included, and won’t be ignored but I’m saying that they’re not really the main attraction, and they’ll tend to get overlooked. Just like the cone in my 99 ice cream scene the balls are secondary, an afterthought. And that’s a shame! There’s a lot of fun that can be had with bollocks, especially in a sensual massage. So this post, B for Bollocks, is to make the case for your bollocks. It will be the dogs’ bollocks post (if you’re not from the UK, look it up…).
“OK Jamie, just lift up your hips a little, yes that’s it, rest on your knees” said my masseur. He continued…“Can you see what I’m doing here? If you’re standing to the right of the table, with his head to your right, you place your right hand, palm up under his groin, as I’m doing here with Jamie. Can you see that?” He demonstrated the move on me and continued to talk…. “OK now lift up his hips so that he’s laying with his chest on the table but his stomach and groin raised, supported by your hand”. With me in the required position he continued…“Now, with your right hand slide it down slightly so his cock rests in your palm and between your fingers. Here you can apply gentle pressure to push it back and up between his legs”…
And as he talked he pushed my cock back between my legs. I lay there, in the position which experienced bottoms may recognise as ‘presenting your bum hole for penetration’ (with the correct amount of lower back curve of course). With his right hand under my groin he continued; “Now, with your left hand, reach forward to the back of his neck, at the top of his spine and slowly…very very slowly, run… your fingers… down… his spine… applying pressure… to the muscle… on either side of the bone… until you reach his bum”.
Addressing the audience he continued, now in a slightly more earnest tone “Ok, now as you reach the base of his spine you run your fingers lightly over his bum hole and, turning your hand around so that your fingers point down to his feet, you get hold of his balls and hold them firmly but gently, intermittently squeezing and releasing your grip, while with your thumb you caress his perineum….oh, and don’t forget to apply pressure to the base of his cock with your other hand”.
I felt his hand grip gently around my balls, whilst his other hand pushed my now very hard cock back against my balls. It was an extraordinarily vulnerable yet deeply nurturing position to be in. My body relaxed, and whatever tension there was in my back and shoulders released as his expert hands worked on my balls.
In my prone position I looked up at the monitor and saw my rear end up close. Which was interesting because I’d not seen it live on camera before. I was quite relieved to see it wasn’t spotty (or hairy – the wax job was good thankfully). Oh wait… “Monitor, what monitor?” I hear you say….what’s a monitor there for? Well, this massage was an online live massage demonstration, for which I was the model. The monitor was there to allow us (mainly my masseur) to see what we were doing. It showed us what the cameras were capturing and what the audience could see.
Permit me to explain. A friend of mine (who is a very successful sensual masseur and sex therapist) was running an online massage class for people to learn how to massage a guy.
Next to the monitor showing a live close up of my bum was another monitor which showed the webcams of about a dozen couples who had subscribed to the live demo session. The couples (most of them husband and wife) were from all over the world. They watched each move as it was demonstrated on me, and then practised it on their husband / partner, whilst my masseur friend watched them and gave guidance.
OK, so online is not ideal to train massage, it’s best done in person, but this was during a period when travel and large gatherings were not possible. Therefore like everything else during the lockdowns…we went online. The massage demo was being broadcast live for the couples who had signed up to learn how to massage a guy. We had couples from every continent watching the demo, and practising live in their own homes.
The massage demo continued with other moves, and ended happily (you know what I mean). Some of the couples also had happy endings, others were more discreet but I’m sure they had a good time once the camera was off. After the massage we had a question and answer session where the audience could ask questions to us, about giving the massage and about my experience of the massage as a receiver. There were a lot of questions about the ball holding move because it’s not something that you’d normally associate with sensual massage. I now incorporate it into some of my massages (when I’m massaging guys of course).
I don’t like to let daylight in upon magic too much. It’s like analysing why something is funny. Pick it apart and the pieces add up to less than the sum; it’s no longer funny. Some things just are funny, just like some things just are sexy and there’s no easy way to say why. The balls move that was demonstrated on me feels sexy, relaxing and I have to say it can be intensely moving if it’s done at the right time and in the right environment. There’s a lot of trust involved.
My friend’s theory is that before language had developed men could demonstrate trust and bond with each other by holding each other’s balls in this way. It’s possibly the derivation of testimonial and testify (as in testicles) which is from the latin word ‘testis’ meaning witness. In some cultures men hold their testicles to demonstrate that they are trustworthy. Who knows…I just know that it felt good. In fact it was the dogs bollocks (did you look it up?). Next time you eat an ice cream with a flake in it you’ll think of balls won’t you? Sorry about that.
The next letter is A, unsurprisingly. It won’t be for anal, or arse or avocado (don’t ask…) or actually yes, do ask, because A shall be for Ask. As in Ask Me Anything. I did mention this in a previous post and I have had a few questions come in, but I’d like more. If you want to ask anything about sensual massage or my experience working as a sensual masseur then please send me your questions by e mail and I’ll answer them in the next post – A for Ask.