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Z to A of Sensual Massage

Q is for Questions

I keep six honest serving-men (They taught me all I knew); Their names are What and Why and When And How and Where and Who. I send them over land and sea, I send them east and west; But after they have worked for me, I give them all a rest.

Rudyard Kipling

Questions questions questions….it’s all about questions in this instalment of The Z to A of Sensual Massage.

Imagine you’re at a party or gathering, perhaps it’s a BBQ or garden party. People are getting to know each other, there’s cool drinks, canapés, music and the hubbub of chatter over music. Soon enough the talk comes around to some familiar questions, including the question that often makes my heart sink a bit….you know the one… it’s “What do you do?“……How do you answer that question?… I’m tempted to reply “I do lots of things” but I bite my tongue because it probably wouldn’t be taken very well would it? The next most tempting answer is to reply with “I’m a dolphin trainer and part time sex worker……only one of those statements is true, which one do you think it is?“. Fortunately I’ve never been irreverent enough to say it. Discretion is an important requirement with what I do so in most instances I just say “I work with people“….which is true enough isn’t it? I certainly don’t work with Dolphins because I much prefer that they live in the sea and not in a pool. Anyway…that’s enough about Dolphins….let’s get back to parties. At some parties (yes, usually those sort of parties….) I am secure enough to answer “I work as a sensual masseur”. And that’s when the questions start….So I thought in this blog instalment I’d ask and answer some of those ‘party’ questions for you.  Kipling’s six honest serving men are a helpful guide, so here are the six Questions (and answers) of Sensual Massage, with thanks to Rudyard Kipling. 

Let’s start with What. The most frequently asked question is What does a sensual masseur do? I remember chatting with a guy at a wedding and the conversation turned to jobs. That question came up, inevitably….”what do you do?”. “I’m a masseur, I do it part time” I replied, and left it at that. I could see he was curious and wanted to ask more but before he could say anything his wife joined us and the conversation went elsewhere. Neither he nor I wanted it to go elsewhere.. but it was as if his wife was driving and we were just passengers fated to go where the driver took us, so we both shut up and let her take the conversation wheel. Later on in the evening he discreetly sought me out in a quiet corner, to pick up that lost conversation. “Hi, me again, you said you’re a masseur yes?” “Yep, that’s right” I said. Lowering his voice and leaning in conspiratorially he asked “so what sort of massage do you do if you don’t mind me asking”. “Sure it’s fine” I replied, and leaning in a little closer, and even more conspiratorially I whispered “I do sensual massage…..naked sensual massage”. “Ah, er right ok er…that sort of massage is it?” he said. “What sort do you mean?” I said, teasing him knowing full well what he meant (I am a tease aren’t I?). Looking around nervously to ensure we weren’t overheard, and leaning in almost as if he was going to kiss me he said “er…the happy ending sort” adding quickly…”I hope I haven’t offended you”. “No offence taken at all” I said, “yes the happy ending sort.. although there’s more to it than that but yes the endings are very happy indeed” I replied. “Lovely, would you give me your number please, I have tight hamstrings, I may be in touch” he said as he took out his phone. “No problem mate, here you are, I look forward to hearing from you” I responded, as I shared with him my phone number. So that’s it, the short-hand for sensual massage, if you want a quick explanation, is the happy ending sort of massage. That is a rather incomplete description because there’s a lot more to it than happy endings but if you need a quick and easy answer to the question “what does a sensual masseur do” then the quick and easy answer is: massages of the happy ending variety

Next in Kipling’s poem is Why. I’m going to ask; “Why do you do sensual massage?” because that’s what I tend to get asked at those parties. Have you ever had a disappointing massage? Or bad service perhaps in a restaurant? Chances are your masseur or your server wasn’t enjoying their job, and it definitely shows when that’s the case. I’m sure it’s not possible to do a great sensual massage if you don’t enjoy doing the work. It’s quite simple really because if you don’t enjoy doing sensual massage you’re not going to get many clients. So the first and main reason why is because it’s such a lot of fun, I enjoy it. There’s other reasons of course; to meet people, to work independently and to help people explore intimacy and sensuality. But the main reason is because it’s such a fun thing to do and that’s not a bad reason is it?

The third of Kipling’s honest serving men is When. The most common question I get asked is “When are you available?”. Sometimes I’m asked this via text message at 2am in the morning. The question is usually asked by way of a picture of an erect cock, at least that’s how the exchange is opened. Now I don’t mind cock pics in my messages, especially it it’s a pretty one, but not really at 2am, not unsolicited and not from a random stranger. I wish they’d start at least with “hello, are you available?” before sending the cock pic. More often than not the answer to the question “are you available now (or within the next hour or so) is “sorry, no I’m not available”. Sometimes I am available of course but the reality is that someone wanting a  massage ‘right now’ is almost certainly not looking for a massage if you know what I mean. Especially if they sent a cock pic. 

Next is How. The question I get asked most frequently is “How do you do sensual massage for clients that you’re not attracted to?” The question rather misses the point, I don’t do massage to satisfy my desires (although that can happen), I do massage because I enjoy introducing my clients to the pleasure of massage, and helping them to explore their sensuality. The main attraction for me is that someone should choose me to share that experience with them. I see all sorts of different people, of all ages, shapes, ethnicities and sexualities. The only thing I need to be able to massage them is to know that they chose me to share the experience with them, and that’s the greatest attraction. Of course if I didn’t enjoy giving massage then it would be clearly evident to my client. I can’t think of any occasions when that has been the case.

Honest serving man number five is Where. I covered ‘where’ in my entry for W(here). Let’s move on to Who.

Who do you massage?” is a regularly asked question. Sometimes with the rider “anyone famous?”… and of course I’m not telling if I have massaged anyone famous, it’s a secret! I do offer to sign Non Disclosure Agreements if anyone is needing one of those, and that’s all I’d say. Of course I’m totally discreet so there’s definitely no names divulged. However sometimes the question is asked as in “what type of person?”. The answer is anyone and everyone. The only criteria is to be over 20 and be healthy (there is a list of contra indicators for massage which would preclude me massaging you) but other than that anyone is welcome to enjoy a sensual massage. I do recall one client who was moving gingerly and slowly as he started to undress. I asked him if there were any injuries or conditions that I needed to be aware of. As he lifted off his T shirt he said that he had a cracked rib which was a bit uncomfortable when he lay prone or when he coughed or sneezed….By the look of how he moved it seemed to be more than ‘a bit uncomfortable’. I suggested that maybe because he needed to lay on the table and I’d be applying quite firm pressure to his back that he should come back when he was fully recovered. He asked if I could do legs only? We cancelled the massage and he came back weeks later when he was able to properly enjoy himself. So aside from some health conditions and of course being able to fit on the table the answer to the question “Who do you massage” is….”you!” See you soon on my table I hope.

P.S. If you have any questions for me that I didn’t answer here…just ask me! I’ll include them in a future letter for everyone to see. 

 

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