I for Intimacy
I’ve been walking a lot lately… no you read it right, it’s not a typo….I’ve been walking. I might have been doing other things but I’m not writing about that today, sorry! Spoiler alert – this isn’t my usual irreverent piece. It’s a serious post for letter ‘I’ on the subject of Intimacy. Don’t worry, I’ve got lots of ideas for letter ‘I’ (thank you readers!) and so I shall do a more ‘house style’ letter ‘I’ post in addition to this reflective and sober one. That’s two I’s in this alphabetical Z to A of Sensual Massage.
So, as I said, I’ve been doing lots of walking. Miles and miles of distance covered. It’s important to keep active and walking gives me time to think, which may or may not be a good thing. Sometimes these days it’s wise not to think too much isn’t it? So I try to avoid overthinking, although I don’t think I’m very good at that….
On one of my recent ‘non-thinking’ walks I became a bit lost. It was at night, walking through some woods on a route I’d done months ago in summer (and in daylight). This particular night seemed extra dark and somewhere in the depths of the woods I lost the path and couldn’t see my way back. I tried not to think about being anxious and carried on walking. As I walked I became more lost and more anxious. Then, briefly the clouds parted, the moon shone through and I was able to see where I was and a route back to the main path.
Sorry to disappoint you if you were expecting me to stumble on lost in the gloom and come across some guys cruising in undergrowth….(it’s way too cold in winter for that isn’t it?). I did warn you… this is a serious post; no cruising. As I walked back home the incident did leave me thinking (whoops…) about something though. For some reason I started reflecting on some of my massage clients, and in particular why they come for a massage. Told you I think too much didn’t I?
Why have a Sensual Massage?
I do like to understand why someone wants to have a sensual massage. It helps me to give an even better massage if I can understand a little about what their motivation is. If it feels right I do ask, and sometimes my clients are happy to share their reasons. There’s all sorts of motivations, but one that seems to be quite common is that my clients are looking for some intimacy, and human touch that they might not be getting with their partner (or their casual partners), or indeed with anyone. It isn’t always articulated as specifically as that, but in general terms that’s usually the kind of motivation they tell me.
What is Intimacy?
It’s probably a good idea at this point for me to explain what I mean by Intimacy. This being a massage themed blog I’m talking about sexual intimacy, although I think the same broad principles apply to any other form of intimacy, such as emotional, spiritual or intellectual intimacy.
To me sexual intimacy means being ‘tuned in’ to someone, being on their wavelength and sharing similar feelings in the moment. It’s about recognising what they like, what turns them on, and how to ‘press those buttons’ before and during the massage. That’s not easy to do if the first time you met someone is when they walked in the door 5 minutes ago of course. But I never said being a sensual masseur was easy did I!
A Sensual Massage Client
About a year ago I saw a new client. Let’s call him Mark. Mark called me to book a massage. It’s unusual because most clients just message me or send an e-mail, but Mark phoned me. Often when guys phone me it doesn’t end up with them booking. Unfortunately you get the guys (it’s always guys doing this) who just want to wank while talking about their fantasy, they’ve no intention of booking. I’m happy to talk if you want to discuss a massage but not if it’s just to get aroused and unload. There are specialist numbers to call for that. Those type of calls I end quickly! Mark however was fine, he just asked to book, arranged the time etc and then the call ended.
The day came and Mark turned up at my studio. He’d booked an hour. I asked my usual questions, including what he was looking for, his expectations etc. and he just said it was his first sensual massage and he didn’t really have any ideas and would leave it to me. This is a common response from clients who’ve not had this type of massage before. I always check that they understand what a sensual massage is (just in case they’re expecting a ‘spa’ style massage, which could be awkward when we get to the more erotic part) and he said yes, he understood. I suggested that we go with the flow and if I was doing anything that he wasn’t comfortable with I would recognise it but if for any reason I didn’t notice then he could guide me elsewhere. He was fine with this and seemed to relax on the table as we did some breathing exercise to start off.
I won’t go into detail on how the massage developed because it all went as I expected. I could see and feel Mark relax more as the massage progressed. If a client is nervous like Mark I say to them that during the massage I will hold their hand periodically to check all is ok. If it’s all fine they can give my hand a squeeze. It means that if for any reason I haven’t picked up that they’re anxious then they can tell me without speaking.
I held Mark’s hand a few times during the massage, including at certain points where the massage is very intimate. He squeezed my hand back every time. The massage came to an end and I was glad that Mark definitely seemed to enjoy it. As he left he said to me he’d book again, which is always a good sign. A week later he returned, for a longer 90 minute session this time, which went even better than the first one.
About a month after the second massage Mark sent me a message. I won’t repeat it verbatim because some of it is really quite personal and I agreed with Mark that I could share his story but not the full message.
What he told me was that he’d been in a relationship but it had ended badly over a year ago and he’d lost his confidence since then. He hadn’t had a physical relationship with anyone, not even casual partners, for over a year until he came for the massage. In that time his confidence in his ability to share intimate touch had all but gone. The word he used was he felt ‘undesirable’. He’d had to summon up lots of courage to book, but he was so glad he’d come along.
He said all his anxiety and tension disappeared from the moment I held his hand near the start of the massage. No-one had held his hand in over a year. From that point on he said he felt safe and could relax and enjoy the massage. It had given him a real confidence boost. He’d felt good about himself and was now ready to date again.
Help Finding Intimacy
It was Mark’s message that got me thinking on my walk back from the woods that moonlit evening. I didn’t know his motivation when I met him those two times. I could tell he was anxious, although I didn’t know what the true cause of that was. After his message to me it was clear; he’d lost his confidence. He needed a small reminder that he could enjoy intimacy with another person. Just as I was lost in the woods and the moonlight helped me find my way, Mark was lost and the massage helped him rebuild his confidence to find his way back to intimacy.
As I said earlier, there’s many motivations for coming for a sensual massage. Some are simple; you’re horny and it’s fun, you need tight muscles worked on. Others are more complex…as with Mark. Everyone needs intimacy, human touch and connection, but for many that human necessity is so difficult to find. A sensual massage can provide that important human contact, in a safe and reassuring environment. It can’t replicate the intimacy one might get from a long term relationship of course, but it can help to build confidence to help someone back into a relationship or just to feel desired.
As a sensual masseur I’m bound to extol the many benefits aren’t I? But why not, who else is promoting the value of this type of massage….you don’t see it advertised on TV do you? I could write lots more on how sensual massage can improve your well being, sex life and relationship. That’s probably a Part Two of I for Intimacy alongside the more usual irreverent piece on letter I. I guess I better do less walking and more writing. Thanks for reading.