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H is for Hair

Esau was a hairy man and his brother Jacob was smooth. They had a falling out over something or other and it all went wrong…with some serious repercussions apparently. That’s how big an issue body hair is eh?

You might know the story of Isaac and his sons Esau and Jacob from your schooldays religous education classes. If you don’t, it’s in the Bible in the book of Genesis somewhere. Don’t worry, this isn’t a sermon blog….I won’t be making deep and meaningful insights using biblical references in a piece about sensual massage. However, regular readers may now realise that I like to mix in an eclectic range of references to my stories… so why not some biblical stuff on this occasion?

I don’t remember much of the story details because I didn’t pay attention in those classes. My religious education teacher was a bigot who I disliked intensely (it was mutual). I therefore paid little attention to him. However, one thing I do remember vividly from his lessons was when he said Esau was a hairy man and Jacob was a smooth man.

After these salacious details about the brothers were revealed all I could think about was hairy men and smooth men. My mind generated so many questions; How hairy was Esau? Was his bum hairy? His back? What colour was the hair (it was red apparently). And Jacob’s smoothness, was it all over? Did he shave it or go for a wax? Did the waxing guy do a crack sack and back job for him? What was such a procedure called in those times? A Judean? 

All of these very legitimate questions were left unanswered by the bible, which is quite disappointing. Theologists might say that all the answers are in there if you look for them…. so if you can find me a reference to Jacob’s back, sack and crack waxing, and in particular what it was called, I’d love to hear from you.

I daydreamed of the brothers for the rest of the day. Imagining them naked of course. How else are you supposed to consider them? I do remember drawing them naked (they were naked, not me) in the next class. This would have been fine for an Art class…. unfortunately for me it was a Physics class and my drawings were not appreciated.

The story of the brothers came back to me when I had a WhatsApp message recently from a potential massage client. His message started fairly normally…

Client “Hi”

Me “Hi” (I like to respond with the same greeting, so ‘hi’ gets ‘hi’ …and I guess ‘yo man’ would get ‘yo man’ even though it’s probably a bit too familiar if we haven’t yet met?).

Client “love your site” (referring to my website).

Me “thanks …smiley emoji” 

Client “I’m looking to book a massage” (good…he’s quickly getting to the point….I do like clients to get to the point quickly. Just ask, don’t be coy. Perhaps I should do an article on booking etiquette? What do you think….E for Etiquette?).

Me “great ok, when were you thinking of?”

OK for the sake of brevity (and because it isn’t very interesting) I’ll spare you all the back and forth messages to fix the massage details. 

Oh… and thankfully no dick pics were sent to me during the exchange. Trust me I’ve seen thousands of dicks up close and personal so to speak. Your dick may be wonderful, it may be your best friend and go everywhere with you but I don’t need to see it to book a massage. Honestly I don’t. It’s not one of those I’m not a Robot tests that proves you’re human….’tick all the squares that contain cock’…. Sorry, that’s more about booking etiquette isn’t it? Hmmm that’s definitely a theme I could work up. 

Let me share something pertinent with you at this point….doing sensual massage work you do become sensitised to clients who are anxious about something when they book. It’s a sixth sense that kicks in whether the client books via WhatsApp or text or phones me. I can usually tell if there’s something they want to raise… but are reluctant to say it for some reason. 

Maybe a few clients are anxious about asking for things because they think the request might offend me. That’s kind, but I really don’t get offended by any request. I’d prefer you ask. If it’s something I won’t or can’t do I’ll just say so. 

With this particular client I sensed there was an issue that he wanted to raise…but hadn’t yet done so. The massage was booked and I was ready to say “see you on the xxxx etc” to close the conversation but I asked him if there was anything else he wanted to ask or request. Sometimes you have to prompt things.

Then came his concern; “I’m quite hairy, is that OK?”.  ‘Ah‘ I’m thinking….’I was correct, there was something troubling him. Glad I prompted it‘.

So I replied: “No problem, it’s fine. All I need is that you’re free of any conditions that are contra-indicators for sensual massage” (and I listed these out…). 

“I’m ok I have none of those, but I am very hairy…look..”.

Then a pic came through in the chat. Not a dick pick, thankfully, but a pick of the guy’s torso. It was, as he said, very hairy. Evidently, I had Esau coming to see me. 

I reassured him again that being hairy wasn’t a problem and he seemed ok with that. So the massage was booked. I made a note in my diary: ‘Esau, 90 minutes’.

I believe that there’s a perception that hairy guys can’t have massages. It’s like they’re not allowed by some unwritten rule. This perception may exist because a lot of pictures and videos of massage show smooth hairless bodies being massaged. A similar perception exists among big guys (it’s mostly guys, I don’t think female clients feel the same…and before you comment I’m not meaning hairy females! I mean big females….). Again this is because most pictures of massage show slim people.

I think this perception needs to be challenged. Massage is for everyone, hairy or smooth, fat or thin. Ok, maybe there is an upper limit on size, which is dictated by the massage table….you do need to fit on it. Despite the myths that those pictures and videos perpetuate, you don’t need to be smooth and slim to have a massage (nor do you need to be young for that matter). And I’m talking about sensual massage…you know, the one where we’re naked and it’s erotic, in case you weren’t sure. Everone is welcome.

Let’s get back to Esau, my hairy client. His real name wasn’t Esau unfortunately. Wouldn’t that have been awesome? But we will call him Esau because it’s apt and his real name shall remain confidential.

Esau visited me at my studio. This is going back a few years to a studio I used to use which was a very large room, with a bed, a massage table and plenty of space to move around.  It even had an en-suite bathroom. Very convenient.

When Esau arrived I did my usual welcome chat and then he stripped down to his underwear bef0re going in the shower. He wore white silky loose boxer shorts.  I could see he was indeed even more hairy than had appeared in the picture he’d sent when he booked. He had dark black hair (which can appear to be thicker than it is because of the colour). I noticed it was all over; legs, back, arms, chest…everywhere I could see. The white silky pants were not yet removed so for now the jury was out on the bum and crotch, but I guessed these would be just as hairy as the rest of him. I showed Esau to the shower and asked him to come out with a towel around his waist when he was done. 

“You sure its ok?” he asked again as he dried himself after the shower. 

“It’s all ok, don’t worry, you just lay down,relax and enjoy yourself” I replied. I really wanted him to relax. It’s important to let go in a sensual massage; if you’re worried about something or distracted then you might miss out on some of the relaxation benefits.

Let’s step away again from Esau for a few seconds. Leave him to get comfortable on the table while you and me explore all about letting go. You know what I mean…giving over to your masseur and forgettting all your daily life duties for a while.

Everyone comes to a massage with all sorts of things going on outside of the massage room. Issues around work, money, relationships, body image, general anxiety….all of these concerns we carry around in our head all day. That’s life isn’t it?. But they’re not just thoughts alone, they also manifest themselves physically, in tension in lots of places on your body. It happens without you realising it…until someone points it out. Ever notice that after a difficult day that you’re clenching your jaw? that your neck is stiff? your shoulders are tight? Is it like that now? What’s on your mind?

I know that everyone who walks in my massage room has these things going on in their head, whether or not they mentioned it like Esau did regarding his concerns over his hair. What we should try to do for the hour or so of your massage is that I help you to let all those hassles slip away. And as they retreat in your mind the tension you’re carrying around associated with those anxieties can also be released. It’s a physical and a mental massage.

Because of this it’s no good me working on the tension in your neck or shoulders straight away. It’s likely that your mind is still thinking about stuff as you lay down on my table. Your muscles will probably be too tight if your mind is still busy. So we start the massage a little differently to what you might get in a spa.

The trick to slow down your mind is all about breathing. I noticed that many of the things I learned, whether it’s from teaching swimming or doing martial arts and yoga is that the starting point to controlling your thinking about the practice is with your breathing. Manage your breathing and your mind is able to slow down and focus on what’s happening in that moment. Once your mind is focused and calm your body follows. Something so elemental and basic as breathing is fundamental to getting mind and body aligned, isn’t that cool?

So the first thing I ask you to do in the massage is focused breathing. You and me take deep long breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Yes I do it too, it helps me to focus on the massage. By consciously breathing like this you start to slow down everything else, your heart rate and your thoughts. Now you’re ready for a massage….

Let’s get back and see how Esau is. He’s laying on the table and I covered him with a nice warm towel. I begin the massage… with the breathing as I just mentioned, and with some head massage. But I noticed that Esau’s breathing is shallow and still too fast. I hold his hand and whisper “relax, just breath and enjoy Esau”. We do some more deep breathing and he’s starting to relax properly. 

I had prepared for this massage because with guys who are hairy you need lots of oil. So I had an extra bottle warmed up ready. Hair absorbs oil, therefore I use plenty of it on hairy guys. At this point I should say I hadn’t seen his crotch area because he’d had his back to me when he got on the table. I was still unaware of whether he was hairy down there. His bum was fairly hairy though, so it was probably similar on the ‘other side’ so to speak.

The time came for him to turn over. Most of the massage is done with my client laying prone. Only in the last quarter do I ask them to turn over turn over. As Esau turned I got a surprise. He was totally smooth down there…..there was no pubic hair atall. I’d seen his balls from behind and they did look quite smooth but I was surprised that his cock and pubic area was a smooth as….well, as smooth as his brother Jacob. His chest and stomach were hairy but there was none atall down there in the groin area. 

After the massage had ended I checked in with him to make sure he’d had a good time, although I needn’t have checked because the evidence of it was all over my hands and his chest.

“How are you Esau, was it OK?” I asked.

“Fantastic, thank you” he murmured, still in that post orgasm fug.

Once he was cleaned and sitting up on the table I was anxious to ask him about his smoothness down there….but I didn’t know how to ask. I think he sensed it. 

“I guess the hair didn’t matter” he said grinning. Then he added  “I had shaved my cock and balls and was going to trim all over but then after we spoke and you said it didn’t matter I decided not to trim anywhere else.

“Ah ok yes” I said “I just use a bit more oil and it’s fine but I hadn’t expected that you’d be smooth down there. It surprised me” 

“I had thought about getting an all over waxing but it was expensive” he said.

“If I was you I’d save my money, you don’t need a Judean and it’s extremely painful!” I said.

He looked at me confused…”A what….a Judean?”

“Oh, sorry did I say a Judean….sorry I meant a Brazilian, don’t know where that came from” I added.

Moral of the story: keep your Biblical flights of fancy to yourself Jamie…. (at least I didn’t call him Esau). And the lesson of the story…as it’s a Bilblical theme: Esau was a hairy man and hairy men can have a great sensual massage.

 

 

 

 

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