The Germans always have a word for it don’t they. It doesn’t matter what ‘it’ is… they will always have a word to use. It’s usually a word that has been mashed together from shorter words to make a nice long one. Why invent a short word when you can have a nice long one? We all like long ones…
Those German words I find most beguiling are words that describe feelings, especially feelings of a collective nature. I’m thinking of words like Zeitgeist (which means the defining spirit of the times…although I’m sure you knew that). However, this post isn’t about Z for Zeitgeist; we’re well past Z in the Z to A of Sensual Massage aren’t we? We’re making our inexorable way towards letter A.
While we are talking about A, let’s take a quick diversion from this post (which is actually about letter C) and talk about A. A in the Z to A of Sensual Massage shall be Ask Me Anything. It’s similar in concept to the Reddit community called ‘I Am A <insert profession> Ask Me Anything’. What I propose is that you, reader will ask me questions (about sensual massage – let’s keep it on theme) and I will answer them all in a blog post which will be letter A. So please send me your questions so I can start writing letter A.
OK, let’s get back to Germany, and back to letter C. Another German feelings word I have been thinking about is Ostalgie. Ostalgie is a kind of nostalgia for the simpler times of the DDR, or East Germany. Of course there’s a variety of opinions about what this actually means (and it might be different depending on your personal experience of life under the East German regime), but it’s broadly about a yearning for a simpler life, such as that which existed in the DDR. A life where consumer choices were limited, and lives were less complicated. Where less choice meant fewer decisions and fewer decisions meant easier trade-offs.
I noticed this narrowing of choices during the recent lockdowns. OK, so I promised in my blog that I wouldn’t talk about the P word (Clue: it begins with P and ends with…andemic). But the pandemic unmentionable is over now so I feel permitted to bring it up in passing. I hope that’s OK with you.
During the lockdown there wasn’t much to do. No meals out, no gym, no sex parties (well, there were sex parties, but I didn’t risk going to any – honestly), no massage work, no options. All you could do was stay home and avoid people. Life was a lot simpler. I did things like going for a walk or reading a book that I wouldn’t otherwise have done and to my surprise it wasn’t too bad. It was in fact quite enjoyable.
After experiencing this simpler life during lockdowns I now have a greater appreciation of the feeling of Ostalgie. That spartan lifestyle for months on end was ironically liberating. It was like a retreat and an opportunity to appreciate simple things. However there’s only so much austerity I can put up with. I don’t want it forced on me indefinitely. Yes, it was fine for a while, but now I’m glad to have my choices back, and I appreciate them more.
Which brings me to C for Choice, then next letter in our Z to A of Sensual Massage. And you thought C would be for Cock didn’t you? I’m not that predictable! C is for Choice and I think if you’re looking for a good sensual massage in a place like London, you’re definitely spoilt for choice; London is no DDR. My hope is that this C for Choice blog post shall give you some help in choosing a masseur from all the myriad of masseurs that exist in the metropolis (and in fact in any market). That is of course after you have chosen me.
My personal experience of receiving sensual massages has been mixed. I’ve had some great ones, but many more have been indifferent massages and some have been awful. It’s partly the reason why I decided to become a professional sensual masseur myself, because I was sure that I could do a better job. So I did a lot of research, trying out different masseurs, taking courses and learning what works and what doesn’t work. I think I figured it out.
I made a few mistakes in my research of potential sensual masseurs to learn from and this is why making a deliberate and careful choice is so important in finding a good masseur. Let me tell you about one of the worst choices I made, because it illustrates all the things to avoid.
My first mistake was making decisions on the masseur to choose whilst I was feeling horny. I’d say it’s the worst time to make such a decision because you’re thinking with a part of your body that’s not suited to rational decision making.
So I was horny and looking for a massage. Browsing one of those gay massage directories I happened on an advert that looked OK. His rates were quite low (which is a red flag) but not excessively so, sort of low to middle price range. There were no clear pictures (that’s another red flag) just a brief description and phone number in his advert.
I called his number to book: “Hi, I’m looking for a massage, today if possible …like right now! (I didn’t say ‘like right now’ of course but that was my aim, remember I was horny so t had to be soon). Are you available?”. Him (let’s call him Dick) “Yes, I’m available today, that’s fine”. So I booked him and we agreed I’d be at his place in an hour. That’s another red flag – he was available at short notice. I had made 4 big mistakes: booking when horny, buying cheap, ignoring the lack of pictures and overlooking his easy availability.
I drove to his studio (which was his home) and parked around the corner for discretion. As I walked to his door I started to get some concerns that this might not go well given that there was an old armchair and a microwave oven dumped in his front garden. I was too horny to turn around so I pressed the door bell and waited…
Dick opened the door. He looked pleased to see me. I guess you could describe my look as concerned, and I couldn’t hide it at first. I stood staring at the mess in his hallway as what was probably one of his cats walked slowly past my leg and into the house. Then I noticed that Dick was holding another cat, which somehow I hadn’t seen on first. “You’re not allergic to cats are you?” he said. I couldn’t think fast enough and said “no”, when I meant to say “yes” even though the true answer was “no”.
“Please come in” Dick said once we’d both recovered our composure (at least he had, I was still in shock)…“I’ve just set up the table”. And so he had….inside his lounge there was a bare table (no cover, no towels) on which lay a bottle of Baby Oil and a TV remote control. What was that for? To turn me over?
I started to think strategically now and asked if I could use the toilet….(probably to throw up in). Dick said it was first left upstairs. I locked myself in the toilet where fortunately there were no cats. I had to make my excuses and leave but I didn’t like to hurt Dick’s feelings by telling him that I can’t possibly have a relaxing massage with him in this shit hole unsuitable environment. He’d seemed so pleased to see me when he first opened the door that I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I definitely couldn’t stay.
“Sorry Dick”, I said patting my jeans pocket as I walked down the stairs after leaving the toilet. “I’ve just realised I left my wallet in my car around the corner. I’ll fetch it so I can pay you”. He believed my excuse…. “Ah ok” he said as I walked out the door “see you in a minute, I’ll put the music on”. I walked away as fast as I could, and broke into a run as I heard the opening to ‘Is This Love’ start to play on his system.
I stopped the car a mile down the road to text him ‘sorry Dick I got cold feet’. I received no reply…..I think he knew I wasn’t happy. God knows how he gets any customers. Maybe they are so horny they overlook all the red flags, or perhaps once you’re on the table he’s a decent masseur. But who would get that far? I learned my lesson. Don’t book when horny. Do better research, don’t buy cheap and be wary if they’re available at very short notice. Oh and if there’s indoor furniture in the front garden that might also be a warning sign.
My visit to Dick got me thinking. I’m sure I can do a better job than him. Why not bring more professionalism to it, and set up as sensual masseur myself? And so that’s exactly what I did.
My advice to you if you’re choosing a masseur? If he’s cheap then that’s the value he puts on his service….is that what you’re worth? If he has no website and amateur / unclear pictures then it’s an indication of how professional he is in his approach to the work. If he’s available right now, as in the next hour (and of course you’re horny)….then think of this great German word – Vorfreude – “awaiting for pleasure is in itself pleasure” and put off your session until you’ve checked him out properly (and you aren’t desperate to get off!). Follow these guides and I think you’ll make a better choice, and I’m sure that you’ll get a better massage.