I For Intimacy, Part Two
OK as promised, here’s more Intimacy, or more I for Intimacy let’s say. In Part 1 here…I for Intimacy I talked about how a sensual massage can help someone re-awaken their ability to enjoy sexual intimacy. In this Part Two I want to expand on that and explain how it can improve your sex life. We like the idea of that don’t we? OK let’s talk about improving our sex life.
But first! ….….gas engineers. I had to re-start my gas boiler recently because it had gone out for some reason probably to do with it being middle of winter and damn cold. I’ll be frank with you; I was quite upset that I managed to re-start it without any help. The prospect of having to call a gas engineer to visit was appealing given how dull things are these days during lockdowns. My over fertile imagination had one of those porn film scenarios playing out once he’d arrived….”sorry I can’t fire up your boiler but if you need me to get anything else going….”. OK enough of that gas engineer diversion, sorry.
Getting back to the subject of Intimacy, and since I mentioned the idea of calling in a professional, I have some work for you to do. Please have a think about all the important areas of your life where you’ve been taught or had some training from a teacher, a professional or an expert. Here’s some help to get you started: ‘driving‘, think of things like that. Take a minute and note down the first five or six things that come to you….don’t overthink it though, be quick.
I’ll get a coffee while you’re doing that……
OK, are you done? I guess you’ve gone back to your time in school or college perhaps. Maybe you have written down; reading, writing, maths, driving (I gave you that one…), cooking (maybe?) and of course in your field of work… whatever that is…are you a gas engineer? I bet you had training for your work didn’t you.
Yes, for many important things in life, there’s some training, or if there’s not any formal training there are easily accessible guides to help you (thanks Youtube!). Usually there’s an expert to ask for help.
But wait…I wonder how many of you had sex (or sexual intimacy) on your list of important things? I bet that not many of you listed that down because there’s not much formal or expert training for sex and sexual intimacy is there? This extremely important aspect of life (indeed it is fundamental to the creation of life) seems to have no training or expert help. We are just left to learn by trial and error.
I’m fairly sure that you didn’t have any formal practical sex training at school, did you? Perhaps like me, you learned the basic mechanics of sex in school but not much else about it. I’m thinking back to the classroom with the embarrassed biology teacher explaining how animals reproduce, and adding “oh and by the way people do it in a similar way”.
There was definitely nothing on sexual intimacy, having sex for fun, or how to give good fellatio… unless you had an extremely enlightened teacher. Maybe if you’re lucky they talk a bit about relationships and respect in a wider sense, but that’s all. There’s definitely a lacuna in our education around such things as sexual intimacy and relationships, and it needs to be filled.
Maybe you watched porn when you were younger to find out about sex. I think that porn isn’t such a good way of learning about sex. I mean, you didn’t learn to drive a car by watching Formula One did you?
I’d argue that porn is not a great tool to use if you want to be better at sex, and sexual intimacy. What you see in the final edit misses out a lot of the ‘build up’ and the bits that the producer considers aren’t sexy enough to include. Often I think it focuses too much on penetration and a kind of ‘rush’ to get to the climax.
I’ve made some semi amateur porn in the past and the whole experience is not especially sexy. The room is full of cameras and lights, you’re trying to keep your leg or arm out of the way of the close up, you’re thinking about how long you can keep up a position, and then you have to deliver the ‘money shot’ at the right time. All of this after stopping and starting a few times for various reasons including on one occasion I remember because one of the actors got cramp in his leg.
When it comes to sex (and I’m talking good intimate sex) I’d say that we are mostly left to work it out for ourselves, trial and error style, or learn from unrealistic porn. If you’re not especially assured or if you have a bad experience then ‘trial and error style’ is not such an effective way to learn. It can damage your confidence, and that may result in withdrawing from any sort of sexual relationship. That’s no good!
You might feel that your sex life with your partner (or with casual partners) is lacking something or has lost the spark it once had. Perhaps it’s all a bit routine, it doesn’t last long and quickly progresses to penetration. Maybe it’s all ok and you just want to take things up a level but you’re not sure how or what to do. Well, here’s what I suggest…..call a gas engineer. No! sorry….I meant to say call a Sensual Masseur.
In Part One of I for Intimacy I defined sexual intimacy as knowing how to ‘press the buttons’ of your partner, and tuning into their feelings. It’s about focusing your attention on them and their pleasure.
When you massage someone you become acutely aware of their reaction to your touch. You notice how they breathe, how they move, how they sound, how they smell, how they respond to your prompts.
I talked in in my blog previously about how a sensual massage is like a slow seduction, with the aim of both relaxing someone and arousing them, and not necessarily to include having penetrative sex. The aim is simply to enjoy giving and receiving the sensations of a sensual massage.
An experienced sensual masseur can teach you the techniques of giving a sensual massage and how to press those buttons. You’ll learn how to build the erotic tension. You’ll learn where and how to touch them that will make their body quiver with pleasure. You’ll learn how to work with breathing and movement to create an atmosphere filled with erotic tension.
Of course receiving a massage does give you the opportunity to become acquainted with some of the techniques by experiencing them but the best way to learn is by giving a massage with the guidance of a sensual masseur. It is in giving a sensual massage that you find your way to Intimacy.
To learn to give a sensual massage is a wonderful way to take your love making to another level. Your partner will certainly appreciate it.
If you want to learn I would suggest trying a sensual massage first (if you haven’t already) and then taking a course in how to massage your partner. There are some longer courses available for those wanting to become a professional sensual masseur, but if you are just looking to learn some techniques and tips to take home and use in your relationship then all you need is a couple of hours training with a good sensual masseur who you feel comfortable with.
Ok here’s the sales pitch….I offer training sessions for you to learn (with or without your partner) how to give a sensual massage. Talk to me if you’re interested, or see the Training page on my website.
What I can’t help you with is your heating. I suggest you call an engineer for that.