Relax, don’t do it, when you want to go to it, Relax, don’t do it, When you want to come…
That’s what Frankie says, or that’s what they sang back in 1983 when the song was released by the band Frankie Goes To Hollywood. Relax when you want to come, hmmm I think they were onto something! The song got banned which ensured it got played much more widely than might have been had it not been banned. A clever marketing strategy which I am sure was the intention. It’s a song about shagging which the band later admitted even though almost everyone knew it right from the release.
Even if you don’t want to come, it’s important to have opportunities in your life to relax properly. Sometimes everyday life goes well and everything lines up nicely. It’s like getting three cherries on a one arm bandit fruit machine every time the barrels spin. Other times life just seems difficult and full of what sometimes are called ‘challenges’. At those times we need an outlet to release the pressure and relax properly. I like to relax by doing yoga and exercise by swimming or running. Sometimes I do martial arts and release tension by punching and kicking a punchbag, which is very cathartic. Oh.. and did I say? The yoga is naked yoga. Naked yoga is much the best type of yoga. There’s nothing like doing happy baby pose in a room full of other naked yogis all in the same position. Not sure what happy baby pose is? Look it up…(Ananda Balasana in the Sanskrit).
My other outlet to relax is massage. I’m usually giving the massage, which I find relaxing, however in this blog I want to focus on the relaxation from receiving a massage. If you’re looking for ways to chill out and have some 100% ‘me time’ then having a sensual massage is just such an opportunity. Lay down, let go and give yourself over to the expert hands (and other bits) of your sensual masseur….bliss!
For many of my massage clients their visit to me is their first time having a naked sensual massage. For some it’s their first time spending an hour or so naked and intimate with a guy. Because it’s a new experience for them and they don’t know me (I’m nice! But they don’t know that yet do they?) many of the clients I see are quite anxious at first. I’m not surprised by that, but it’s not exactly a recipe for relaxation. I try to overcome it by making them feel welcome, safe and reassured, and then relaxed and then aroused. There’s many techniques and ways of doing that, some of which I cover elsewhere in this blog. However in this piece I want to focus on one specific technique that I use at the start of a massage.
I mentioned earlier that I swim to relax. Unfortunately I’m not usually allowed to swim naked at my gym so Speedos have to be worn. That’s not because they look good, it’s also because swim shorts or loose trunks tend to slow you down…theres too much drag. Speedos are streamlined. I do breaststroke and crawl and usually swim around 1km a session. The most important part of swimming properly is the ability to breath in your stroke. To swim efficiently you have to get your head in the water in the right position, which then makes it easier to get your body in the right position, and thereby reducing the drag caused by poor body position in the water. If your head is under the water (where it should be) good breathing technique is essential. Get your breathing right and you find that it falls into a pattern as you swim, breathing in deeply and then blowing out while your head is under water. This rhythmic nature of swimming breathing, the deep breaths, and the blowing out of the breath under water is calming. The deep breathing increase the supply of oxygen to the brain and it stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system which promotes calmness.
A similar principle applies with martial arts. Imagine a situation where you need to use the martial arts techniques you learned in the dojo. Suppose you find yourself in a fight situation….you need to use those punching, kicking and blocking techniques to defend yourself but your heart is racing and your breathing is fast and shallow which doesn’t help you to focus on protecting yourself. To fight effectively you need to be calm despite the situation. That’s why breathing techniques are taught as an integral part of the martial art training. You’ll be able to slow down your breathing, using your diaphragm to breathe deeply and get more lung capacity and oxygen to move into a composed yet relaxed state. Yoga teaches similar breathing techniques to induce a state of calm and enhance relaxation. Breathing is integral to managing your state of mind and it’s no surprise that practising breathing is an essential part of any teaching of yoga or martial arts.
Drawing on my experience of the importance of breathing in swimming, martial arts and yoga I use these techniques to reduce my clients anxiety by focusing on some breathing exercises at the start of the massage. It’s possible to quickly slow down their breathing to bring about a relaxed state….which is essential for a sensual massage. I remember meeting a new client at his apartment, let’s call him Nick. I don’t often do out calls but Nick wasn’t comfortable coming to the studio, possibly because he thought it may not be discreet (it is very discreet!), so I agreed to visit his place. Arrangements were made and at the agreed time I discreetly turned up to Nick’s 3rd floor apartment. Side note: my massage table is solid and wide, which is great, but that means it’s big and heavy which isn’t so great. There was no lift to use so I had to carry it up the 3 flights of narrow stairs. By the time I made it to his door I seriously thought about asking Nick if he’d give me a 10 minute recovery massage so I could have a rest on the table. It’s not easy to smuggle a portable massage table discreetly in to someone’s house or hotel room but I’d snuck in as unobtrusively as possible up all those stairs… until I rang his doorbell. The sound of Nick’s dog barking undid all the subtlety of my arrival unfortunately. Nick opened the door and ushered me in as quickly as possible. As I set up the table in the lounge Nick’s cute puppy dog said hello to this new visitor. The puppy was excited but Nick was nervous as we chatted about the massage and what he was looking for. He kept saying he’d not done anything like this before and going over in detail what he wanted (and what he didn’t want), asking me what would happen when and how. I’m happy to talk in general about the massage and the main aspects but the massage loses spontaneity if we choreograph and plan it in too much detail. His questions also told me that he was anxious and needed reassurance. We agreed on a plan he was happy with and by the time I had prepared the table Nick had stripped down to his pants and his puppy seemed to have disappeared. Nick was more relaxed now and he turned away from me slipping down his pants as he adroitly mounted the table. I covered him in a towel straight away. The music started, the lights were dimmed and we were ready to begin.
I leant in close to Nick and whispered to him to take a deep slow breath in through his nose and hold it for a second before releasing it even more slowly through his mouth. We did this three times, with me doing the same, each time taking a slightly deeper slightly longer breath. By the third time Nick’s breathing was deep, slow and regular. I did some head massage which increased the sense of relaxation and I could see the tension in his shoulders and neck release. As I began to press down on his towel clad body I started to hear his breath become deeper and it sounded like he was almost snoring. That was quick I thought. Once we were almost 10 minutes into the massage he’d relaxed so much I was sure he was asleep, snoring quite loudly. As it was a 90 minute massage, I had plenty of time to relax him further and then start to become more erotic, focusing on what he’d said he was looking for. I carried on, working around his body, removing the towel, applying oil, working in some quite firm strokes on areas of tension. Usually by now someone who has fallen asleep at the start would have woken but it still seemed like Nick was asleep, certainly the snoring was as loud as ever. Time to start touching more sensitive areas….that usually brings a response. It did… he raised his bottom slightly, and his legs opened a little, but the snoring continued, which seemed strange….. “Don’t mind my puppy Jamie” Nick said over the snoring, “he’s new and this is where he sleeps, but he’s a terrible snorer”. I looked around and in the corner curled up in a basket was the sleeping puppy. “That’s OK Nick, shall I turn up the music?”.
Nick’s massage ended happily (you know what I mean…he relaxed and did what Frankie said to do) and he got out of it all that he wanted. His puppy slept and snored all through so I guess the atmosphere created was helpful to him too. I was kind of glad, I like an audience but being watched by a puppy isn’t on my bucket list.