D is for Duo

I ran a BOGOF offer one time. Buy One Get One Free is the concept. My version was buy one masseur, get the other one free. It was a two masseurs for the price of one, rather than two separate massages with the second one free.

Supermarkets usually do BOGOF’s on things like ready meals, except that in my offer you have both meals at once. If one masseur sounds tasty then two attending to you is extra tasty, especially if it’s no extra cost. This is how my offer came to pass.

The second masseur in the offer was a friend who was learning to do sensual massage. I figured it wouldn’t be fair to charge clients the usual Four Hands (2 masseurs) rate if I was using a learner, hence the offer. My friend was happy for the experience and practice.

He wasn’t a complete novice, he’d done massage before, but not in a ‘paying client’ situation. It’s different when someone is your professional client. In those situations it’s important that you focus 100% on your client. I wanted to make sure my friend could do that.

Shall we have a quick chat about what a 4 Hands is for those readers who might be new to my blog (where have you been?), or even those who are new to massage? OK, suppose you have one masseur working on you. He (or she) has two hands. Well, that’s a Two Hands Massage, which is simply referred to as ‘a massage’ because it’s assumed that there will be a masseur and that the masseur will have two hands. Makes sense doesn’t it? However, two masseurs (or a masseur and a masseuse) working on you is a little more unusual and is called a ‘4 Hands’, thereby distinguishing it from ‘a massage’.

“Hold on..” I hear you say “…what’s a masseuse, some form of dessert?”.  No, although it’s as delicious as a nice dessert.  Masseuse is simply the feminine form of masseur. A male practitioner is a masseur and a female is a masseuse. Isn’t it lovely that there’s male noun and a feminine noun for someone who provides massage. 

So that was my offer, a Four Hands (2 masseurs) for the price of one. It attracted some enquiries; Let me tell you about one of them that quickly went exponential…which is a concept that feels quite familiar these days – you’ve seen those graphs…

The enquiry started fairly normally. A text arrived: “Hello Jamie, I see you’re offering a four hands” “Hello, yes I texted back, how may I help?”. My client came back with “Can you also do an 8 hands?”. I had to read his message twice just to check what he’d asked. A 4 hands or even a 6 hands wasn’t enough for him, he wanted 8. So far so exponential. He continued; “I’d love an 8 hands, how much is it?”. This caught me by surprise because I’ve never done an 8 hands for a paying client before…..and I don’t have a price for it. What should it be? Plus there’s the issue of trying to get 3 other masseurs all available at the same time. That sort of scheduling can take days to arrange. I played for time and replied to him “let me check and come back to you”.

I’ve had some unusual enquiries but never someone wanting an 8 hands massage. I half expected him to come back and ask for an odd number of hands (a nine hands?) just to wind me up. Do I know any one handed masseurs?

OK so here’s the main issue that worried me; clients who ask about 8 hands massages don’t really want a massage. What they really want is an orgy or a gang bang session. 4 masseurs does not a massage make. Also experience tells me that these type of requests very rarely actually result in a booking. He was probably just getting off on talking to me about his fantasy. So I replied to him and said if he wanted to book an 8 hands then I’d need a deposit.  That flushed out his intentions….I heard nothing back. Maybe he’d already ‘satisfied’ himself at the thought of the 8 hands.

Aside from the logistical issues, and of course the cost, an economic concept called the law of diminishing marginal returns is at play with multi hand massages. This law predicts that after some optimal level of capacity is reached, adding an additional factor of production will actually result in smaller increases in output. Hmmm, if that’s too technical a description then… ‘too many cooks spoils the broth’ is another way of describing it. Or maybe it’s more correct to say ‘too many cocks spoils the broth’.

I did participate in a 10 hands massage one time, so I have first-hand experience of it. This was of course a recreational massage, it wasn’t work. A good friend – let’s call him Simon contacted me to say that he was planning a small massage session and did I want to come along to join the fun? That was easy; of course I did. Simon is sexy, his taste in guys is usually good, and I needed some relaxation. The only problem was I couldn’t make it until about half hour after the scheduled start time. Simon was fine with this and so it was arranged, I would join the fun a little late.

The day of the party arrived: I buzzed the intercom at his apartment. “Hi Jamie, come up, we’ve not long started. I’ll buzz you in. My front door is open, just leave your clothes in the bedroom and come in”. Simon’s apartment door is on a half landing just a few steps up from the communal entrance. As he’d said the door was open so I went in and shut it behind me. Standing inside the hallway I could hear the familiar sounds of a massage taking place in his lounge. It sounded quite busy…. I went in his bedroom to undress, gave myself a quick fluffing (who wants to enter late into a party when soft?) and then headed to the lounge, and the action.

The room was dim (he’d shut the blinds unfortunately) but I recognised the top of Simon’s head between the legs of a guy laying prone on the massage table. On either side of the table were two other naked guests, neither of whom I recognised. Then a fourth guy walked in from the bathroom. He gave me a nod of acknowledgement and took his place around the massage table. “Hey, Jamie” said Simon as he looked up from whatever he was doing between the legs “good to see you, come and join in”.

I stood in the doorway for a few seconds to take in this rather busier situation than I had been expecting. There were 4 naked guys around the table. It wasn’t easy finding a space to do any massage. The scene reminded me of a litter of suckling pigs piling over each other to get at their mother’s breast. This is one problem with a 10 hands; the logistical challenge of getting all the masseurs around the table. I squeezed in at the end and started to massage the guy’s head (the head on his shoulders…).

I like to think I do a good head massage. I give good head ….and as I worked my fingers through his hair I watched the others do their thing. Someone was working on the guys back, with fast vigorous strokes, another guy was on the left leg sort of rubbing up and down (is that massage?), a third masseur had a finger up the guys bum (that could be prostate massage?). I think the fourth guy was at this point under the table sucking Simon. 

This is the second problem with a 10 hands massage; each ‘masseur’, being unfamiliar and probably disregarding of the style of the others, is doing wildly different things. I wondered what it must feel like for the guy on the table. Perhaps it’s like being at a concert with 5 separate bands playing different music at the same time. No symphony, no congruence.

The third problem, which seems to be an issue with any kind of group stuff is that the masseurs start to play with each other and lose focus on the person on the table. It becomes less of a massage and more like an orgy.

After about 5 more minutes of random groping, prodding and the occasional decent massage stroke our host (Simon) asked the guy on the table if he wanted to turn over onto his back. He did turn over, but if he thought that turning over might make things less frenzied, he was wrong. On his back the ‘massage’ became even more of a free for all grope session. 

Part of the pleasure of a sensual massage is the slow pace and gradual build up of intensity. The anticipation and slight uncertainty of what might happen next is integral to the experience. In this massage there was plenty of uncertainty but not much anticipation because everything was happening fast.

After a few minutes on his back the guy on the table said he needed a break. I could see he wasn’t relaxed and despite the masseurs attempts to make it fun he’d actually lost his arousal. I think it was all too overwhelming for him. He took a few minutes and then decided he’d had enough and told us he’d had a good time but was off home. Good for him. If it’s not fun then stop.

In theory, if you enjoy a 2 hands massage then a 10 hands should be five times better, but it isn’t. I think it’s actually worse. I’d say the law of diminishing returns kicks in at 4 hands, or even fewer. After that you’re in negative territory, unless of course the masseurs are extremely well co-ordinated and expert, which is rare.

I’m not doing a great job in promoting the multi handed massage am I? Hey, I like to be helpful and give you good advice based on my experience. There is a place for a 4 Hands for sure, but it’s a different kind of massage to a two hands. One thing a 4 Hands is good for is if you like to watch your masseurs. If you book two masseurs who are happy to interact with each other during your massage then a 4 hands can be great for you to watch them perform for you as part of the massage. Kind of part massage and part show. If you’re a voyeur that’s ideal.

Talking of watching… the other type of massage I get asked about occasionally is a duo massage (yes, we are at D for Duo in the Z to A of Sensual Massage), or a couples massage as it’s also known. This is where you and your partner receive a massage at the same time. Usually the massage tables are next to each other so that you can see, and hear your partner receive a massage while you receive yours. Duo massage is a great way to celebrate a special day with your partner or just to introduce some new excitement to your relationship.

Let’s talk more about duo massages: A masseur friend contacted me. “Hi Jamie, I’ve a couple who want to celebrate their anniversary. They want a duo massage, are you free to join me next Tuesday at 11am? And what’s your rate? It’s 90 minutes”. I checked my diary. It was clear. “Yes I’m ok for that”. I told him my rate and we went ahead and scheduled the duo session. I’ve worked with him many times before so we know we work well together.

Tuesday at 11am came and I turned up at my friend’s studio 20 minutes beforehand to prepare and plan the massages. He’d set up the room with the two tables next to each other and space for just one of us to get between them so that we couldn’t both work in the middle of the tables at the same time. Why? Because the two clients wanted to be very close to each other as we massaged them. They wanted to reach out and hold hands occasionally. The clients also wanted us to swap tables half way through so that they got to experience each of us massaging them. We intended to follow a similar routine alongside each other so that the clients could experience things concurrently. It was all set up to give them a fantastic anniversary massage.

“OK that’s all good” I said to my friend as I undressed ahead of the client’s arrival. “By the way, I didn’t get their names from you”. “It’s Jane and Chloe”** he said. “Jane and Chloe?, they’re both female?” I said. “Oh yes sorry I thought I mentioned that” he replied as he filled up the massage oil. “No, I don’t think you did, I assumed they were a male and female couple, but it’s fine, who’s massaging who first?” I asked. “You do Jane, I’ll do Chloe” he said. “OK and what’s their instructions on boundaries” I added. It’s really important to understand the client’s boundaries before starting the massage. “They’re lesbians, they said they won’t touch us but they’re fine with intimate touch from us, to climax”. This additional information threw me. “They’re lesbians? Really? And they want two guys massaging them?” I had to check I’d heard him correctly. “Yes”, he said “They want to see what a sensual massage with a guy is like. They’re happy for us to make it very erotic but they aren’t interested in doing anything interactive with us”. (**not their real names!)

I started with Jane, as planned. Glancing at my friend we placed our hands on the towels covering the client’s bodies. At that moment the massage music started and our synchronised routine began with an exercise to slow their breathing, and set the scene with some relaxing head massage. Beneath the towel I could feel Jane’s body release tension, and I could see and hear her breathing become slower and deeper. After about 15 minutes we removed the towels. It takes at least 60 seconds to pull the towel off, slowly dragging it from their feet down the whole length of their body until it drops over the clients heels. The feeling is exquisite. 

People react differently to massage. Some are highly responsive, moving their bodies in response to the touch. Wriggling and moaning with pleasure at the sensations. Others are still, inwardly enjoying the feelings although remaining more passive in their reactions. There’s still tell-tale signs of enjoyment but they are a little more subtle; fingers clenching, toes splaying, legs parting. 

It’s interesting to massage partners alongside each other because of the immediacy of the different reactions. I could see my colleague doing the same routine, and getting a different, more subdued reaction from Chloe. When we swapped tables it was more apparent to me; Chloe was much less animated than Jane, although no less aroused.

I kept my shorts on the whole massage. So did my colleague. That’s unusual, although it was expected given what they had said in their requirements. The girls held hands at points during the massage, they talked, giggled and squealed in pleasure. We finished the session and left them in the room together for a while. A bit later they emerged, showered and dressed for a chat.  

After they’d left I had a debrief with my friend. It had definitely gone well but it was clear that Jane was more enthusiastic than Chloe during the massage. Aside from the different reactions to touch as I already mentioned it’s also common that in a duo situation there’s one partner who is the protagonist in setting up the massage. 

My massage partner confirmed that Jane had made all the arrangements with him. The protagonist is usually more enthusiastic about it than their partner. Maybe this was the case with Jane and Chloe. In this situation BOGOF stood for ‘Because One Girl Organises (the) Fun…’